I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's the barista slut.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
