god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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