How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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