Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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