My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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