I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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