we're chasing vodka with high fives
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
