so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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