Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
