Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just gift wrapped bread.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
