morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
