My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So much Jack, so little girl.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
