Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In America we eat man semen.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
