I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
