Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
