i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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