I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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