Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
