Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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