I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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