New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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