Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
