You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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