if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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