She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
