hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
