He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
