If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
