I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
