this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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