tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
