He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
