I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
