i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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