did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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