Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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