Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
