Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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