If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
