I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
