I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
