Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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