marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
