I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
