I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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