I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
