I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
