In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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