My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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