You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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