its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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