i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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