how can u be prego again
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
