I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize