my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Too much gin, very little bucket
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
