I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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