brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
