he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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