I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
3pm strippers are depressing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
