my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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