I wish I could teleport
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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