I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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