Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
