he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
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The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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