I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
