the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
