Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
