I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
