Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
