just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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